Pictures and words that contradict each other always tickle me. It’s the contrast that creates tension and well, it makes me laugh. Yeah, I’m a nervous laugher.

I call this picture “Good Omens” because strangely enough I have grown to embrace a healthy relationship with fear.

Fear Is The Thief of Dreams

I’m not sure I would have called myself a fearful child, sure I had many an existential crisis at bedtime – will I wake up again? What happens if I don’t? OK maybe there were some dark times; but it was the 70’s – we had air-raid drills in school, “Alright kids, get under your desks!”

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized that for the better part of my life I had slowly but surely allowed fear to have a voice in my decision making. Things like the fear of being judged or the fear of making a mistake were the most important factors in major life decisions:

• I quit art school and took a corporate job.
• I took jobs that were safe and stayed.
• I stayed in relationships when I should have left.
• I didn’t pursue my passions out of fear of rejection or criticism.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear – Jake Canfield

The Other Side of Fear

The moment I realized how I had been limiting my choices based on fear strangely, I had new fears:

• Fear of missing out
• Fear of never becoming
• Fear of missing opportunities

For me the other side of fear contained well, more fear. However, these new fears are positive. They are also related: they are the fear that I won’t live my life in an authentic expression that is my own.  (Call me Walter Mitty.)

Don’t let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen.

Luckily, these fears have been a catalyst for some major shifts in my life. This new relationship to fear caused me to be expectant for my life and energized and ultimately, I made huge, sweeping and for me, positive changes:

• switched jobs
• I left my relationship
• I moved states
• I became more “me”

Fear has been a wonderful motivator. This was not the fear of running from a psycho in a clown costume – this was invigorating and passionate and exciting.

Letting go of the fear in these situations has led me to feel mostly optimism, interest, contentment, and pride.

Getting There

It took me a while to understand that fear was in charge of my decisions. Unfortunately, I’m not a person who had this major “Ah Ha!” moment and suddenly changed their life.  No, this was a slow process for me. It took years of introspection to realize why I was making the decisions I was making.

Dwell in Possibility – Emily Dickinson

Admittedly, there are still times when I realize that fear is back in charge.  I don’t know, maybe it feels safer to me but when I do realize it, I ponder it a bit and then contrast the importance of my perceived safety to Possibility; “But, what if…?”

Behind the Drawing

I’m not sure if there was one single element in my upbringing that made me lean toward fear however, while working on this piece I reflected on an experience that happened when I was 15. We lived in Kissimmee, Florida at the time and every evening after dinner I would take my bike out for a ride. One evening, I was riding along Broadway and a white pickup with a load of teenage boys in the back started hooting at me and then chased me around the city streets. I was able to evade them after a few heart pounding blocks by turning the wrong way up a one-way alley near the movie theater.

I doubled back and then zig zagged a few blocks in the opposite direction before heading home. I was still scared when I made it home. Yes, relieved that nothing happened but, scared too. The next night I didn’t go for my bike ride. The night after that I went, just not so far afield. I let my fear limit my future actions.

Takeaways

I don’t want in any way to imply that you should ignore common sense and just do whatever you want whenever you want. Not all fear is bad, it has an important role in keeping us safe. There are times when you have to pay attention to the fear – follow your gut instinct.

All I’m saying is don’t let fear be in charge all the time. When faced with a major life decision take the time to think; compare and contrast possible outcomes.  “What if…?” Channel your inner Emily Dickinson and “Dwell in Possibility”.